Emo Ju

Went swimming just now and met one chinese uncle from Malaysia.
He asked me whether i'm here for vacation and it struck me.

How nice if only i am here for vacation.

Why am i here for?

I remember the day when i hugged everyone of u in KLIA happily(some of u were actually crying) but i was too happy with this new journey of my life..Plus my parents are coming with me..So i was actually looking forward to it. And just like that, i came to india. Without thinking twice. I did actually, i got a place in Monash University and daddy promised to buy me a car but i chose india in the end. I dunno why. I just have that passion for dentistry. and till now..i can't even drive. (shame on me.)

Why i choose India?

There is no reason why. I enrolled because most of my SAM's classmates got a place here. And obviously it is not easy to go to UK or Aus bcuz the requirement was super high back then. To get into Melb U the req was 99.95. How in the world a playful person like me can get into that? all i wanted to do was dentistry and i really don't care about anything at all. And because i dunno anything bout India also. I ended up here cz AIMST wasn't recognised by the government yet. and other colleges oso. And now, manipal offered twinning program for the juniors. Grrr =(

Have i ever felt regret coming here?

The answer is definately a NO. But i have to sacrifice alot. I dun come here and pop out with a dentistry cert just like that. I didn't get to spend much time with my parents. My longest break was only 1 and a half month. Sometimes i really envy those who get more than 3 months summer break. ^^

I studied the most here in my whole entire life. It is nothing compared to SPM and SAM. NOTHING AT ALL. I study till i want to vomit..(obviously not as much as the top scorers for example my housemate n sp) But for my standard it can kill me already. And the fats accumulated in my stomach? GOSH i have a tummy cz i sit too much just to study! And the stress i got was definately more than u could imagine. I cried b4 my exams, i cried after my finals..i clenched a lot b4 exams and i have muscle fatigue..my jaws were extremely painful n i had limited mouth opening. Now, my teeth are partially worn off due to my night grinding(cz of stress lah!) and i had to wear a night guard. Which i have no time to fabricate it yet. Actually i am too tired to actually go n get it i need to sleep. Ran here and there to get work completion signature from lecturers and my practical works are very tiring.

And i have experienced so many heartbroken moments when someone can actually choose to give up on me because i'm here, far from malaysia. Who is willing to spend 5 years just to wait for me? I've been treated like that, and i also realised that there is no reason why i have to hold on to someone too.

Friends, i'm afraid and worried bout my friendships with my friends, my sistahs, I sumtimes feel that i have missed out so much and i am unable to cope up with them. Thank GOD they're still loving me right now..There are so much to catch up..
Some friends just drifted away. We all know that in order to maintain the frenship we have to give our precious time to each other..Its not just a one sided thing..both have to really put in the effort.
I dunno if i can ever find someone to have a heart-to-heart talk session with me anymore..Why can't some people be honest? U know i'm not angry or jealous bcuz of that, but why u have to hide so much?

In these years, i've also learned that..
I have to accept people for who they are. I'm truly sorry if i have hurt anyone in the past. I mean it.
I have tone down my temper so so much, I'm just tired of the people here. They used to make me angry but I really do not have that energy to be mad at them anymore. I know Indians here like to cheat my money and i already know how they gonna do it so i just have to be careful with them. But sometimes i just can't help it i will burst.

Had the biggest fight with C in my life and we didn't talk for a year. Some people were batu api-ing between us that is why we don't even wanna talk to each other. Thanks to them. But now, we're so close to each other than u can ever imagine. It is so weird sometimes, din know i will ever talk to her again.I know more n more about her and that is why i have learned how to accept her the way she is. There is always a reason why she behave in certain ways.

Every1 will be telling me that time passes reli fast i am going to graduate soon. But who actually knows that what i have been tru here. Only my batchmates know. Not even my own mother. 4 years hav passed. Things changed. How many tears i shed. I'm sure without Joe here with me..the amount will be triple. God is so good, i'm glad to have sum1 here by myside to go tru all these shits with me.

There is always a reason why God put me away from my comfort zone. Maybe He wants me to learn how to appreciate everything He has given to me, a perfect family, an awesome brother=) I dunno how my brother can grow so fast and he is so much bigger than me now. I used to argue with my mum so much that i dunno how i can actually be so unappreciative last time, and my dad used to stuck in the middle, haha..those were the days..I even ran out of the house and my parents had to call my friends just to look for me. How embarrassing. I never realised how much my parents love me, but now i truly know that everything they do is for my own good. I ring my mum a lot to ask for her advice, about anything, about guys, complain to her when i fight with Joe etc. She is someone that i can trust wholeheartedly, and my dad, every single word he said to me when we had heart-to-heart talk, made me wanna tear, i held it so hard but i find it so so hard to control my emotions. I miss them.

It is tough. But i will have faith, and keep moving.